One’s Company: The Second Child Dilemma
Welp, we’re here. We’ve reached that place as young parents where virtually everyone has started asking us things like, “It’s about time you have another kid, isn’t it?” And when it comes to having a second child, my face literally makes this emoji 🤔 every time.
Mostly because:
- Our son is one year old. IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE YEAR PEOPLE.
- This seems like a very personal question and decision.
- I’ll be honest – I don’t know the answer to this question.
I get that I’m 31 years old, so time is sort of ticking. And God can literally do anything at any time. So if he wants it to happen, it totally will. And I’m okay with that.
I also know that there are so many hurting people and families who want to have kids and just can’t. It’s truly a privilege.
Not to mention, marriage is a partnership. So if my partner in life really, really wants one, we just might need to buckle down and make it happen.
But do we owe it to society to have a second child?
And are we ruining the childhood experience for Jayden if he doesn’t get to have siblings? Specifically, ones that are close to him in age?
Not Exactly Mommy Dearest
It’s no secret that I’m not exactly a standard soccer mom.
I changed my first diaper and held my first newborn in 2017. I never babysat growing up, and we didn’t really have little kids around in our immediate family. I knew so, so little about kids.
Yet before Cole and I had Jayden, I knew for sure that I wanted to have multiple children. I grew up with a handful of siblings at home, and my husband did too. And to be honest, I can’t imagine playing as kids, growing up in high school, and even holidays now as adults without my siblings. They have always been my people. There’s an understanding there that transcends other types of relationships.
And because of my experience growing up, I thought at least two kids FOR SURE.
But then we had a baby.
And it was hard. Like, really really hard.
We’re 15 months in and we still sometimes have sleepless nights, tantrums that last for days on end, and more “I have no idea what we’re supposed to do” moments than I can count.
I have THREE GRAY HAIRS NOW. Surely motherhood did that right? And how the HECK do people afford to have multiple children?
The Time Has Never Been Better. The Time Has Never Been Worse.
There’s a part of me that is definitely 100% sure that I don’t want to have any more kids. But if I’m quite honest, it’s the selfish part of me.
It’s the part of me that is so grateful to finally fit into my normal clothes again. It’s the part of me that still wants to go out for girl’s nights once a week. It’s the part of me that highly values 8 solid hours of sleep on a work night, who doesn’t want to give up on the dream of POSSIBLY sleeping in till 8 am on a Saturday.
Then there’s the sappy part of me. The part of me that knows my husband would like to have another. The part of me that wants my son to have built-in buddies and play partners. It’s the part of me that understands bike rides and sand castles, long car rides, and family dinners would be a lot more fun for Jayden with another kid around.
Let’s Talk About It
I don’t know what we’re going to do.
I don’t know what the right or wrong way for us to go on this is. So, for now, I’m blabbering about all of it right here, in my place of indecision, hoping that maybe just maybe I can make sense of my thoughts in these words.
What about you guys???
Does anyone else have multiple kids? Was it intentional or an accident? Do you sometimes wish you had done things a different way? Every thought and opinion is welcome here. We’re all in this together.
Peace and hair grease,
Abby