This Is Why “Acting Black” Is Not A Thing
In today’s culture, it can be easy to define each other based on what we wear, how we talk and what we look like. But there is so much more to discover about the people that we meet beyond the color of their skin. As an African American female, here’s why I no longer worry about making sure I’m acting black.
“How come I never see you acting black?”
“Wow, you speak really well.”
“I forget sometimes that you’re even black.”
“You’re like an inside out Oreo!”
“You act just like a valley girl. It’s crazy!”
These are all comments I’ve heard frequently over the course of my life. All are fairly offensive and a tad bit ridiculous, but most of the people who’ve said them genuinely had no idea what they were implying. The comments aren’t shocking anymore, but that doesn’t necessarily make them okay.
Throughout my childhood my family moved around a lot, living in a ton of different, predominantly Caucasian neighborhoods. But I came from a racially diverse family where social status and darkness or lightness of skin never really mattered.
So it was a shock going out into the real world and realizing how much it still mattered to other people. Apparently the way I grew up was equivalent to acting white, and I had no idea!
I’ll never forget my first week of kindergarten at a small Christian school in Kentucky. A group of kids approached me and asked: “Is your skin brown because you drank too much chocolate milk?”
No one had ever questioned the way I looked before!
I remember muttering “I don’t really know” and then running away. Those kids’ parents obviously never explained to them that there are all different skin colors and cultures in the world. No one had explained to them that no one person is any more “normal” than another.
I spent a lot of my life worried that I’m not how I’m supposed to be, mostly because I’m not how people expected me to be. In so many people’s eyes, I grew up “acting white.” To me, I was being myself. And the teasing wasn’t always easy to get over, but now I know that so much of the feedback I received was based on other people’s insecurities.
I often wonder what it would look like if I started “acting black?
And what does acting white mean in all reality?
Should I start to talk and act a certain way to align myself with who people assume I should be?
Somewhere along the line African American culture became less about our rich history, and more about rap music, speaking in slang and touting expensive cars. While poverty and lack of education and opportunities continue cripple many black communities in America, the wrong things have become the focus in the media.
We’ve exploited and reveled in these stereotypes until we’re numb to them. We’ve allowed the media to commercialize a perpetuated image of black people, from which we are all now expected to follow suit.
We talk about seeing a white kid acting black and black kids acting white. But what if we just let kids be themselves, explore what they’re interested in and express themselves how they saw fit?
What if it’s not about wanting to be white – it’s just about wanting to be free to be ourselves?
I want being black to be less about what I wear, how I talk and what music I listen to, and more about my family’s heritage, pride, and celebrating progress instead of encouraging self-imposed regression.
There is no such thing as “acting black.”
And I don’t want my own two kids to ever feel the need to act a certain way so that other people know how to box them in.
So let’s not hold each other to standards that discourage us from ever growing and becoming our full and true selves. I realize the education, resources, and environment a person grows up with play a huge part in this. But I want to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. And I want to encourage you, whoever you are and wherever you’re at – to take a second to think about how you can begin to do the same.
“Acting black” is not a thing. And as Dr. King once said, it is seriously time for us to judge each other not by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character.
Abby,
Your mom here! I love reading your comments about “Acting Black.” I had forgotten that comment about chocolate milk and your skin color. I guess me and your dad should have talked to you more about race, etc. but we were super busy in those days and some things slipped through the cracks I guess. I’m so sorry I missed a good conversation with the “younger you.”
I love your Monday posts. I’m getting to know my adult daughter better through your writing. I love you my fun loving, most interesting daughter, my life has been better because of you.
Hi Mom! Yes, it was such a long time ago, but it’s okay! I think I kept a lot of things to myself so in my mind I wanted to try and figure it out on my own as well. I love you too, and I’m so glad that you have been following along and reading!
Abby, once again, you’ve written a brilliant post! I’m surprised you find those initial comments you listed as only a ‘tad’ offensive. My jaw dropped reading and thought they’d be hugely offensive!! One of my best friends is black and its never something I even think about…she’s just my very dear friend that I love very much! We travel together, we used to be roommates, etc. and its never something either of us have ever really thought about (other than she’s taught me a lot about things that I would’ve never known!). I recently went to her wedding and I was the only white person there….totally didn’t phase me at all, I just had a great time! I did note while I was there that she probably is in the reverse situation somewhat often and just opened to eyes to what that may be like, but it was beautiful day! I hate what is going on in the media and is playing out to the world. We’re all people…why can’t we just see each other that way instead of the package we’re wrapped in??
Vicky thanks so much I really appreciate it! 🙂 And yes, they probably are hugely offensive… just after so many years of hearing the same thing the sting wears off a bit? And yes it can be a little intimidating to be somewhere where no one looks the same as you, but it’s also so beautiful and I believe one of the coolest things about living in our country! Totally agree with you, we’re all the same in so many ways. Love your perspective.
I laughed really hard at the opening quotes.
Lol glad I can bring some entertainment! I’ve got so many more if I really think about it. I should have carried a notebook around my whole life..
It reminds me of the things people say at funerals.
Hahha yes! Everyone is trying to be kind but is usually a little bit awkward and sort of offensive.
Well said! I’m embarrassed to admit that I came from a small town in PA where my high school was 92% white and part of why I moved to Pittsburgh, and attended a huge college was that I wanted more diversity. I wanted to be surrounded by people with different experiences that weren’t the same as I had. Plus, it’s amazing now to look back and see how intolerant the city I grew up in really was.
Thanks so much Jess! I think its awesome that you chose the opposite of where you grew up when choosing a school. There are still SO many intolerant people and places, but I really believe all it takes is a couple people to start changing things in a community! Just figure awareness is always the first step to any sort of change. 🙂
I never comment on anything, but I love that you posted on this! I am also an African-American female in Nashville that runs in predominantly Caucasian circles (I work in the Country music industry). I grew up in very homogeneous, majority Caucasian, upper middle class communities and churches in Texas, where my family was often the only black family. We have several interracial relationships within my family and I am always amazed that people are still surprised that I date outside my “race.” I had the same experiences growing up and you eventually have to come to the place where you are secure in who Christ made you to be regardless of what society says you “should” be based on your skin color. But also what a privilege it is to be a part of the process that exposes people to the beauty of diversity!
Jessica, thank you so much for commenting!!! I too rarely do, so I know the effort it takes 😉 And yes, I am in Christian music, but I’m sure that at times this is even more apparent in Country! It’s awesome to hear from another person who totally gets it, sounds like our upbringings are super similar. And yes! I love that you think of the process as a privilege, I think I want to adapt more of that mindset. 🙂